intern day 1

It's actually Wednesday and a lot has happened since I started interning at the PR firm. I know it's only been 3 days to be exact but a lot can happen in three days. Monday was a chilly morning started out purely as luck seeing as though I almost missed the train! I ran like I've never ran before but made it just in time, well just in time to stand on the train and pretty much be in everyone's personal space. To make it even better another gentlemen who hopped on at the next station was huffing and puffing in my personal space decided to take off his shirt right in my face. Attractive.

I got to the office just in time, in time to be seated at my own desk and be in the same room with two other PR practitioners. Who may I say are very helpful and really nice. We'll call them Katie and Phillip. The first assignment I was put on was data entry work. Creating a database for this awards ceremony for the client. Data entry I've never done before but it is pretty straight forward. The only thing that made me ever so slow was that I am used to using a Mac instead of Vista. Which was the main struggle for myself. I told Phillip this and he said he was the same. So that made me feel a little better. I worked on that for most of the day. No dramas and I enjoyed myself. Putting myself in that environment was what I wanted to do and see how they operated. Even listening into their conversations with clients was amazing. Katie really has a way with words and how she presents herself it sounds like she's always selling herself and that's how I want to be as well. In the office I'm not as loud as I am at work or talkative I'm scared to be myself to be honest.

At work I am confident and I know what I am doing but when I'm in the office I feel like that awkward 16 year old. Why can't i project the confident young women instead of the "oh I'm just an intern" girl. I mean I studied this shouldn't I be a little bit confident? Who knows how my brain works...

I'm Carrie without the career.

Feeling like Carrie Bradshaw when she moved to Paris with the Russian. Alone, wondering around aimlessly and without a solid future at this stage. I found myself driving to nowhere today. It's my day off and what's a girl to do on her day off? Usually spend it with friends, shopping and chilling. Maybe not by herself either.

In the episode where Carrie moves to Paris to be with the Russian, it's theme is loneliness even though she decided to do move to be with someone she loved. Today is that episode for myself. I chose to move to the city, but at what cost? I wasn't my sister, I didn't leave because of my studies. I've finished my studies and yet I still can't get a full time job. I didn't go because of my partner. At least i convince myself to think that. I moved to take a chance at an opportunity. Maybe I jumped the gun a little.

Not a bad start

hello my dear bloggers,
It's been a rough start to the week with a hundred knock backs of jobs and lack of money. I'm really getting used to the line "your application was very impressive however in this instance your application is unsuccessful" yeah i get it, in other words your application slash resume is SHIT! Ok, no need to shove it in my face. I get it.

Over four months I have applied for 121 jobs... no joke guys I am dead set serious. Possibly more I'm not counting the ones I have actually gone into and applied face to face. But finally I see a little bit of a light. A PR firm is willing to let me trial for an internship which is good except no money rolling in. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for the experience and for this opportunity but at the same time I really need to eat. I'm just worried that I wont have much of a life. Not that I am having any at the moment. Sulking at home isn't my cup of tea. But I am really excited to start for this internship. If it happens. Fingers crossed.

On another exciting note my sister and I are starting up our online ebay shop. Well first we're starting out small just selling our garments first and then hopefully it will take off. Our shop is called Chyna Doll. We haven't started selling yet so don't get too excited. Fingers cross it all goes well.

well this seemed like a better blog post unlike my sad soppy ones. Guess its not a bad start to the week. wish me luck with everything.

Lana

alone or independent?

I've been with my boyfriend for three and a half years. It's also my first official relationship and a long term one at that. I can honestly say that it's the easiest as well. No dramas unless I cause them. He's not here for the weekend and for the first time since I've moved to this city I actually feel alone. Like I have no one to call if my car breaks down (besides RACQ). Not alone as in I'm so lonely I want to cut my wrist but lonely as in I'm slightly independent and living on my own.

why don't people want to be my friend

Is there something about me that people don't want to keep in contact for some reason. During high school i noticed there were particular people that are like magnets, that just attract people to them. I'm not talking about the popular ones in particular or anything but people that other people wanted to be friends with.

For instance we had a friend in our group that was popular with the guys, the girls and was everyones best friend at times.
There was just something about her that made people want to be her friend. I don't think she needed to try too hard to keep in contact because the friends would always do that part.
Maybe this is part of her aura, that she didn't care therefore having people do the bidding. I couldn't figure it out. Now I'm not saying i was the jealous dork that stood in the background figuring this person out. But i was the girl that, although I was well and truly a part of this group a part of me wasn't. Like i was some sort of impostor. The boys never really talked to me unless it was a group conversation. I was only spoken to if i approached them first. Was there something wrong with me? Am i socially awkward that nobody wants to invite me out to tea? Why won't they include me in anything? How have i become the outcast? Do i smell or something? Is it my personality, I can't change who i am.

Ok, it could partly be my fault that I never kept in contact with my high school mates but isn't a friendship a two way street? I am always the one that executes the first plan of communication. It's not even an exaggeration. Even if its a random text message it's better than nothing right?

Another example was a year back when I bumped into a guy- friend and he said "Yeah we should catch up" he took my number but never called or messaged. "I'll message you" were his words. When did i become someone that nobody wanted to be friends with. I always thought I was a good, fun and a trustworthy friend. Now, I did have a falling out with some of my friends from high school but that doesn't mean excluding me from everything does it? It's been nearly four years since high school and I still feel as lonely and friendless since I moved from my home town.

You've all heard that I recently moved to a bigger city hoping for bigger and brighter things in my life but lately I've just had all these doubts in my mind that I just feel depressed and this move was and is a disappointment. I hardly have any friends here and if I do for some weird effing reason she doesn't even want to talk to me. There were two mates that I used to go to school with and I still haven't caught up with them. To make it worse some other girls were coming down and they're all partying and posting it up on facebook. Now why wasn't i invited. I would be a blast to hang out with. I know i might sound up myself but i'm really not. I think I'm just having one of those I hate my life sort of day/ night and that this move was a big mistake.

Maybe its one of those "you'll get depressed for the first 6 months" moments.
I hope this moment doesn't last that long.

one of those days

Everybody goes through rough patches in their lives and no matter how much you think your life is bad there's always someone worse off. That's how the saying goes but it never makes you feel any better that there is someone out there worse off than yourself. It does in a way make you appreciate what you have and start thinking that your luck will change sometime soon, that everything will somehow just work out for yourself.

I believe in a lot of things, it's a part of my up bringing. I always believed in luck and chance and that what happens in your life has a reason. I didn't end up getting the receptionist job that i applied for and I got to admit i took it really hard and on top of that a recruitment agency said they couldn't help me because their services don't specialise in graduates. So two doors happily closed their doors on me. I don't see a window opening any time soon.

I am naturally a happy person, when I'm happy i really do forget all the things that are bringing me down but lately its just been downhill for myself which is really starting to make me regret this move.

Maybe i expected so much of this city that wasn't here.

FML

Go figure